Just thinking

I feel alone a lot maybe it is because I do it to myself I push everyone I have ever dated away my friends will ask me to hang out and all I would tell them is I am busy. Am I busy or would I just rather sleep to escape the drama of life? I was going to counseling to get help with my depression and well I got a $380.00 bill in the mail for a session that was supposed to be covered by the insurance and after that I stopped going. I think it is just easier to climb into bed and sleep. I ended a 6 month relationship with this really great girl due to my own stupidness. I am unsure what I want out of life and I don't feel I should drag her through the fire with me. All I keep telling myself is I did it because I should start looking for a guy because I want to get married and have a family. Well I have been trying to date other people and see where it goes and either guys are really into me and want a relationship right now or they just want sex and that's it. I admit I have became more of a slut over the past 3 years I guess I figure if guys can do it why can't I? But does it really get you anywhere? A little bit of pleasure but that's about it and then you are alone again searching for ever lasting love.