Just thinking

I feel alone a lot maybe it is because I do it to myself I push everyone I have ever dated away my friends will ask me to hang out and all I would tell them is I am busy. Am I busy or would I just rather sleep to escape the drama of life? I was going to counseling to get help with my depression and well I got a $380.00 bill in the mail for a session that was supposed to be covered by the insurance and after that I stopped going. I think it is just easier to climb into bed and sleep. I ended a 6 month relationship with this really great girl due to my own stupidness. I am unsure what I want out of life and I don't feel I should drag her through the fire with me. All I keep telling myself is I did it because I should start looking for a guy because I want to get married and have a family. Well I have been trying to date other people and see where it goes and either guys are really into me and want a relationship right now or they just want sex and that's it. I admit I have became more of a slut over the past 3 years I guess I figure if guys can do it why can't I? But does it really get you anywhere? A little bit of pleasure but that's about it and then you are alone again searching for ever lasting love.

Tech N9ne "Red Nose"

That's realPeople act a different way with meI feel don't nobody wanna play with meAnd that's ill cause they treat me like a stain on their clothesThe industry are my foesThey treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseThey put me downAnd treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseDon't make me clownAnd have to go put on my red nose[Verse 1]I got my face paintedCrazed, Aint it?That a black dude lookin like he got a white tattooPeople thinkin that he way tainted... by evilTreat you like fecalWanna beef you when they meet youPeople perceive you to be lethalWhen you aint see through like tissueI feel like the industry givin me vivid stupidyWhen they distribute these fictitious sissiesWhen I rip it so serious and wickedlyNo forgivin theeWhen I claim were StrangeEveryone tellin I'm insane, were baneI'm a independent, talented individualWell workin but the industry is the reindeer gamesAnd they call me Rudolph the RedThey know I don't rip a micBut I chew off the headSpit it at the PD's and DJ's and VJ's who be gayYou fake it, You get threw off a ledgeIt be tough, We snuffing, Homie trust meNothing is worse than knowing your beautifulBut your treated like an ugly ducklingSo I'm Rocky DennisBut I'm so polished, Nothing can stop in thisBad and the brain aint no good, It's not replenishedThe fakers who imitate me and mock me finishedWe checked a mill, Yes it's realThrough Strange, I don't need your major label record deal[Chorus]That's realPeople act a different way with meI feel don't nobody wanna play with meAnd that's ill cause they treat me like a stain on their clothesThe industry are my foesThey treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseThey put me downAnd treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseDon't make me clown and have to go put on my red nose[Verse 2]They tend to stray away from me because I'm differentAnd it's been this way with me ever since I was an infantOther kids were jealousThey say that the look off in my eyes seemed hellishNever knowin later on in life, I would relishThe thought of me ballin, Livin my life and sell itI blame it on program directorsGo and request us, No damn selectorBut if you got a lot of doe, manThey bless ya, Sure can depress yaWhen you knowin that there aint nobody better, maneStuck off in the cold when the bad weather cameNow they gotta see me livin it up and cheddar gainComin up from forever pain to it never rainSo I throw up the finger to everybody who got a tore up demeanorThinkin that Tecca N9na was sure nuff a dreamerBut the flow is so heavy, It could show-up KatrinaNow it's time to take it and you all must face itTech N9na is sacredAll of you hatin faggots couldn't see me with LASIKRed nose, The leader so follow"You gotta be ready to get up and go" is the mottoMade it through everything negative, bravoThe money that's comin to feel like I won the LottoNow I'm about to put the slay on autoSwoop down on the DJ's, Tell 'em all to quit the replaysMake 'em put Tecca N9na in the Sorado[Chorus]That's realPeople act a different way with meI feel don't nobody wanna play with meAnd that's ill cause they treat me like a stain on their clothesThe industry are my foesThey treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseThey put me downAnd treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseDon't make me clown and have to go put on my red nose[Verse 3]I'm comin in, Drivin my short busWith it's nose, I don't need a torch upBustin through like the industry's PorscheComin after who ever didn't support usRip down it's bleachersI blew up cause my sound is etherUnderground up done found it's creatureNot scared of a nigga with clownish featuresI makin a name outside your mainstreamReal, It wasn't an insane dreamFrom the beginning, I really came cleanYou about to see Strange gleamTake it over and gain greenStrange Music and RBC along with FontanaWe gon' change thingsNow it's so funnyCause with money I can fly awayOr read them haters off in the deepest darkest hide awayWhy do they do me wrong? My music truly strongBecause I'm differentAll you cowards wanna shoo me goneYes, This is Strange yearWorld wide fame's near but the game's queerSometimes I feel like I'm Rudolph the ReindeerAnd the music they said "blows" is on top and the cred growsYou gonna have to open up the door for the bro with the red nose[Chorus]That's realPeople act a different way with meI feel don't nobody wanna play with meAnd that's ill cause they treat me like a stain on their clothesThe industry are my foesThey treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseThey put me downAnd treat me like I got a red nose, red nose, red noseDon't make me clown and have to go put on my red nose

How do you really feel?

I have asked myself time and time again if you are telling the truth if you really love me or if you just say it I wish I could get inside your head and figure you out and know for sure if you are 100% for me or just someone I should let go I am so tired of the back and fourth. Please stop this and tell me if you will be mine or if I should just move on. Please be honest I am so tired of being hurt.